Ungawabona kanjani amanga omthengisi lapho uthenga imoto
Uma sicabangela ukuthi umuntu ovamile uqamba amanga izikhathi ezintathu ngemizuzu eyishumi yengxoxo, ngakho-ke kuyethusa ukucabanga ukuthi zingaki izikhathi phakathi nalesi sikhathi umdayisi wezimoto noma iphoyisa lomgwaqo elinquma ukukukhohlisa ngenhlawulo lizoqamba amanga kuwe. Futhi ngendlela, ungakwazi ukubona amanga ngokushukuma komzimba womuntu.
I-protagonist yochungechunge lwaseHollywood Lie to Me, uDkt. Lightman, odlalwa nguTim Roth, uyazi ulimi lokubukeka kobuso nokunyakaza komzimba kangangokuthi, eqaphela amanga, usindisa abangenacala ejele futhi uvalela izigebengu ejele. Futhi lokhu akuyona inganekwane. Isibonelo sayo, u-Paul Ekman, uprofesa wezengqondo eNyuvesi yaseCalifornia, unikele iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-30 ekutadisheni inkolelo-mbono yokukhohlisa futhi unguchwepheshe omkhulu kunabo bonke emhlabeni kulo mkhakha.
Konke ukuxhumana kwethu kwabantu kuhlukaniswe ngokwemibandela ngamazwi nokungakhulumi. I-Verbal yingqikithi yomlomo, incazelo yengxoxo. Ukungakhulumi kuhlanganisa izici zomzimba, uhlobo lokuxhumana - ukuma, ukuthinta komzimba, isimo sobuso, ukubuka, izici zezwi (ivolumu yenkulumo, isivinini senkulumo, iphimbo, ukuma kancane) ngisho nokuphefumula. Enkambweni yokuxhumana kwabantu, kuze kufike ku-80% wokuxhumana kwenziwa ngezindlela ezingezona ezezwi zokukhuluma - ukuthinta, futhi kuphela ama-20-40% olwazi asakazwa ngokusebenzisa amagama - amagama. Ngakho-ke, njengoba esekwazi ubuciko bokuhumusha ulimi lomzimba, umuntu uzokwazi ukufunda "phakathi kwemigqa", "ukuskena" yonke imininingwane efihliwe ye-interlocutor. Isizathu siwukuthi i-subconscious isebenza ngokuzenzakalelayo ngaphandle komuntu, futhi ulimi lomzimba luyakunikeza. Ngakho, ngosizo lolimi lomzimba, umuntu akakwazi nje ukufunda imicabango yabantu ngezimpawu zabo, kodwa futhi alawule isimo ngaphansi kwezimo zokucindezela kwengqondo. Yiqiniso, ukuze ukwazi ukukhulumisana okungenazwi kuyadingeka ulwazi olunzulu kule ndawo ye-psychology, kanye namakhono athile ekusebenzeni kwawo okusebenzayo. Ezimweni eziningi, umdayisi, onomgomo wokuthengisa imoto ngazo zonke izindlela, ulungiselela izingxabano zakhe kusengaphambili futhi wakha isu lokucindezela kwengqondo. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kusebenzisa amanga acatshangelwe kahle azwakala ekholisa futhi ehambisana. Umphathi wezokuthengisa onolwazi uqamba amanga ngobuchwepheshe, futhi ukukhohliswa komthengisi wangasese kulula ukukubona, kodwa kunoma yikuphi, abantu abaqamba amanga bahlanganiswa nenani lemithetho evamile.
TERRITORY
Okokuqala, kunoma yikuphi ukuxhumana kubalulekile ukusebenzisa indawo yendawo ye-interlocutor. Kukhona 4 izindawo ezinjalo: obuseduze - 15 kuya 46 cm, siqu - kusuka 46 kuya 1,2 amamitha, social - kusuka 1,2 kuya 3,6 amamitha futhi umphakathi - ezingaphezu kuka 3,6 amamitha. Uma uxhumana nomthengisi wezimoto noma iphoyisa lomgwaqo, kunconywa ukuthi ubheke indawo yomphakathi, i.e. gcina ukusuka ku-interlocutor ebangeni eliphakathi kwe-1 kuya ku-2 amamitha.
AMEHLO
Naka ukuziphatha kwamehlo e-interlocutor - uhlobo lokuxhumana luncike esikhathini sokubuka kwakhe nokuthi angakwazi ukumelana nokubuka kwakho isikhathi esingakanani. Uma umuntu engathembekile kuwe noma efihla okuthile, amehlo akhe ahlangana neyakho isikhathi esingaphansi kwe-1/3 yaso sonke isikhathi sokuxhumana. Ukuze wakhe ubudlelwano obuhle bokuthembana, amehlo akho kufanele ahlangane namehlo akhe mayelana ne-60-70% yesikhathi sokuxhumana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kufanele uqaphele uma i-interlocutor, ekubeni "umqambimanga ochwepheshe", ibonakala iqondile futhi inganyakazi emehlweni akho isikhathi eside. Lokhu kungase kusho ukuthi “ucime” ubuchopho futhi ukhuluma “ngokuzenzakalelayo” ngoba wayibamba ngekhanda indaba yakhe kusengaphambili. Angaphinde asolwe ngokuthi unamanga uma, esho okuthile, ebuyisela amehlo akhe kwesokunxele sakho.
PALM
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuthola ukuthi u-interlocutor uthembekile futhi uthembekile kangakanani okwamanje ukubuka indawo yezandla zakhe. Lapho umntwana eqamba amanga noma efihla okuthile, ufihla izandla zakhe ngemuva komhlane wakhe. Lesi senzo sokuquleka siphinde sibe wuphawu lwabantu abadala ngaleso sikhathi lapho beqamba amanga. Ngokuphambene nalokho, uma umuntu evula izandla zakhe ngokugcwele noma ingxenye ku-interlocutor, ukhululekile. Kuyaphawuleka ukuthi abantu abaningi bakuthola kunzima kakhulu ukuqamba amanga uma izandla zabo zivulekile.
ISANDLA NGOBUSO
Ngokuvamile, uma ingane eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala iqamba amanga kubazali bayo, ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho ivala umlomo wayo ngesandla esisodwa noma zombili. Ebudaleni, lesi senzo siba ngcono kakhulu. Uma umuntu omdala eqamba amanga, ubuchopho bakhe bumthumela umfutho wokuvala umlomo, ezama ukubambezela amazwi enkohliso, njengoba kwenza ingane noma ibhungu elineminyaka emihlanu ubudala, kodwa ngomzuzu wokugcina isandla sigwema umlomo futhi abanye esinye isenzo siyazalwa. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kuthinta isandla ebusweni - ikhala, i-dimple ngaphansi kwekhala, isilevu; noma ukuhlikihla ijwabu leso, indlebe, intamo, ukuhlehlisa ikhola, njll. Konke lokhu kunyakaza kufihla inkohliso ngokungazi futhi kumelela inguqulo "yabantu abadala" ethuthukisiwe yokuvala umlomo ngesandla, eyayikhona ebuntwaneni.
IZITHOMBE EZITHOLWE
Ocwaningweni lokukhulumisana okungasho lutho, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zithole ukuthi ukuqamba amanga kuvame ukubangela ukuluma emisipha ethambile yobuso nentamo, futhi umuntu usebenzisa ukunwaya ukuze athobe. Abanye abantu bazama ukukhohlisa ukukhwehlela ukuze bafihle zonke lezi zimpawu. Ngokuvamile zingahambisana nokumamatheka okuphoqelekile ngokusebenzisa amazinyo aqinile. Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ngokuya ngeminyaka, zonke izenzo zabantu ziba ncane kakhulu futhi zimbozwe kakhulu, ngakho-ke kuba nzima kakhulu ukufunda ukwaziswa komuntu oneminyaka engama-50 kunomncane.
IZIMPAWU EZIJWAYELEKILE ZAMAANGA
Njengomthetho, noma yimuphi umuntu oqamba amanga uvame ukuzitholela, ngaphandle kwendawo, ahlole imininingwane. Ngaphambi kokuba aphendule umbuzo, uvame ukuwuphinda ngokuzwakalayo, futhi lapho eveza imizwa yakhe, usebenzisa ingxenye yobuso bakhe kuphela. Isibonelo, umuntu onjalo uyamamatheka ngomlomo wakhe kuphela, futhi imisipha yezihlathi, amehlo nekhala ihlala inganyakazi. Phakathi nengxoxo, u-interlocutor, uma uhlezi etafuleni, angase abeke izinto ezithile phakathi kwakho ngokungazi: i-vase, inkomishi, incwadi, ezama ukudala lokho okubizwa ngokuthi "isithiyo sokuzivikela". Ngokuvamile umkhohlisi une-verbose futhi wengeza imininingwane engadingekile endabeni. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, inkulumo ididekile futhi ayilungile ngokohlelo, imisho ayiphelele. Noma yikuphi ukuma kancane engxoxweni nomuntu oqamba amanga kumphatha kabi. Ngokuvamile, abakhohlisi baqala ukukhuluma kancane kunenkulumo yabo evamile.
Khumbula njalo: ngisho nomkhohlisi onolwazi kakhulu akakwazi ukulawula ngokuphelele ukungazi kwakhe.
